It wasn't so easy, after all, to slip back into 'normal' life with Nico, no way to get back to the way it was before. When he wraps his arms around her back while she's holding Trill, encompassing them both in his embrace, and whispers in her ear, "She's so beautiful, she looks just like you," Jackie is sure that staying with him is the right thing to do, for herself & for her daughter. His love is so real & so strong, Jackie believes she can build her life on his foundation, and together they can weather anything. When she sees that damn ad Mary Strong made for Chanel on TV, Jackie fears she's just setting herself up for more heartache, that she's a fool to believe him now if he lied to her before. She's seen few enough examples of real, enduring love and is suspicious of putting faith something in so likely to fail. Nicolas moved back into the house, they live together as a couple, but Jackie has dropped all her wedding planning, hasn't even mentioned it. Strangely, Nico also stopped pressing her about it: like Jackie, he was not left unscathed by the separation, his former lighthearted joy in life weighed down by a new gravity. She actually sees it in his eyes, moments of rare sunshine brightening his eyes & smile, until he clouds it with a self-conscious toss of his hair, like he's reminding himself that he's on probation. Jackie already knows she can't sleep in their bed alone, but having Nico back in it is also no guarantee of peaceful sleep. Many nights find her shaking & crying from nightmares, terrible dreams of being betrayed, again & again. For every night Jackie's sleep is disturbed by bad dreams, Nico has two such nights, where he wakes with a deep sob & clings to her desperately as he weeps into her breasts.

The whole band are new parents, so they set up a nursery in the parlor by their studio, and the house becomes a round the clock professional recording studio and daycare. Nicolas isn't out of Jackie's sight for minute during these weeks of recording, and trust just isn't an issue. There is no time for anything except the music & taking care of Trill: Jackie & Nico don't get enough sleep, eat erratically, and spend all their time holed up in the studio with their drummer, while Stacey hangs out in the nursery with the babies. Jackie has recorded with Matt before, her band's first album, and she's always counted herself lucky to have such a hard-hitting, competent drummer, knowing how hard they are to come by. Until she started playing with Nico, though, she's never had the kind of musical partnership she'd always dreamed of, never had a guitarist who would do with her songs what Nico does with hers. There was a time when she played with other musicians, a time when she lived alone & did everything on her own...those were good times, but the thought of going back to that, on any level, scares the hell out of Jackie. There are just some things Jackie no longer wants to do without Nicolas, like play music, make love & basically live. The only problem with that is she can't shake the fear she's going have to, one way or the other she'll lose him, and maybe she'd be better off to cut it off now before she gets so deep into him it would kill her if he betrayed her again.

'Pink Hell' is released with a huge media blitz, Bill has the band throw a huge release party the night the disc drops, all broadcast live on MTV. They've worked these songs over & over, Jackie should be able to perform them live, Nico beside her, in front of a crowd. She's fine at first, doing what she's been doing for years, but as this song changes, slowing to a pulse of her bass before she hurls dark, howling anger out at Nicolas, Jackie suddenly cringes, afraid to let loose with it. She needed to record these songs, needed the catharsis her musical expression gives her, but she doesn't need to continually hammer it in to Nicolas, and can't stand watching the nagging guilt crush his spirit. Her eyes meet Nico's, he sees her distress & smiles, just a small smile in the corner of his mouth, and he gestures quickly, reassuring her, telling her to go for it in the sign language they've developed as they play togther. Jackie closes her eyes & lets it fly, Nicolas joins her with his guitar, and they perform the song the way she wanted to hear it when she wrote it. The song crashes to it's end, Jackie stands with eyes closed, head down, listening to the crowd roar, not wanting to look at them right now. She's the frontman, she's supposed to talk to them between songs, but she hates doing that. She tells them enough with the music, and there really isn't anything else she wants to say. "You're awesome, Jackie," Nico says, into the mic, talking as much to them as her. "Tell her," he says directly to the crowd, "Tell her she rocks." They respond to him with thunderous screams: Jackie opens her eyes & looks at him, standing across the stage, smiling at her. "I love you," he says, still into the mic, making the crowd erupt again, a wall of sound flying toward the stage. Moving air, it's what they are all here for tonight: at the same moment, Jackie & Nico look toward their drummer, and the band breaks into their next song, pushing the wall of air back at the crowd.

Bill sends Jackie out on an interview for some women's channel talk show: they want her to talk about being a mother & a rock star. "I don't have that shit sorted out myself, I'm not in any position to be handing out advice," she says to him, and Bill laughs. "Don't talk like that during the interview, focus on 'mother' and not so much 'rock star', okay?" he says, and advises her to get an au pair. From the interview, Jackie is rushed across town to another talk show, the late night kind. Knowing Nicolas is supposed to be here for this gig, after a photo shoot for Livin' Large magazine, Jackie hunts down his dressing room to see if he's around. It's a little early: they might have some time to get romantic, she thinks wistfully. Jackie enters quietly, hoping to surprise him if he's here, and is herself surprised to see a head of red hair lounging in one of the chairs: Nicolas she hears, singing in the shower. Jackie hangs in the doorway, mouth open in shock: the girl gets up as Nico turns off the shower. It isn't Mary, Jackie realizes right away, but who is she? Nico comes out of the bathroom toweling his hair, still singing in a mumbling kind of way. The girl comes up from behind him, wraps her arms around him, and Jackie can't decide if she wants to back out of the doorway & break down in tears, or burst in, ready to tear the two of them apart. "I'm so glad you're here, angel," Nico says in Italian, "Do you have my pills? It's been such a crappy day, my stomach is churning." Jackie doesn't need to see the rest to know they've both been fooled by this girl. "Oh, say that again, it was so sexy, Nico," the girl purrs, & Nico drops the towel from his hair, gasping as he realizes his mistake. "Who the hell are you?" he demands & doesn't give the girl a chance to respond, "Get out, out now," he says as he grabs her arm & pulls her to the door. Where he then sees Jackie, coming in to clear passage for the exiting hussy. Nicolas groans & grabs Jackie with frantic fervor, "I swear, I don't know who she was, I didn't ask her here," he says, pleading with her to believe. Jackie caresses his face with soothing hands "It's all right, Nico, I saw what happened," she murmurs & his head falls against her shoulder, "I was so afraid I'd lose you," he whispers hoarsely, embracing her tightly, holding her while he gathers himself together. "I have your pills," Jackie says when his hands on her back stop trembling, taking his ulcer medication out of her purse, watching him wince as he swallows two pills dry. "Fucking Bill wants me to play a pink guitar on tour," he says, lips curled in frustrated anger, "I'm not playing a fucking pink guitar." Jackie kisses him & tells him he doesn't have to play a pink guitar: Matt has already ordered a new drum kit with pink flames on a black field & the 'Pink Hell' theme will be amply represented on their stage. "You shouldn't let Bill get to you like that, it's hell on your ulcer," she adds, caressing his stomach.

They didn't want to be the kind of parents that hire staff for their child, they wanted to be a 'normal' family, but there's no way around it, nothing about their life is 'normal'. They're going on a huge world tour, they'll be bringing Trill with them because they won't live that long without her. And that means they'll need someone to be with her when they're working: they can barely manage it now with the help of Andrea & 'Auntie' Debbie, who won't be on the road with them. Bill gets them a list of qualified applicants, and Nico & Jackie start interviewing for the 'nanny' position. So far, Jackie hasn't been satisfied with any of them: she still doesn't like the idea of giving this much control over her daughter, and she's being very picky about who does get chosen for the job. When they finally meet one that she likes, Jackie wants to hire her on the spot, but just shakes the girl's hand & tells her she'll call later, and then turns to Nico & tells him what she thinks. Nico looks distressed, "Are you sure you're okay with her?" he asks with a small voice. "Because she's young & pretty?" Jackie asks with a laugh. Well, it's not like she didn't notice, the girl was very pretty. And young, which is maybe what Jackie liked about her: all the other women have been 'mature' & Jackie felt like they were judging her, and would interfere with her parenting. This girl felt more like her 'employee' and less like a nanny over herself as well as Trill. "I do expect you to not start banging Trill's nanny, Nico," she adds, and wishes she hadn't when he winces & clutches his stomach. "Nicolas, that's never going to go away if you don't forgive yourself & let it go," Jackie says, quiet but earnest, as she tucks her head under his chin, teases her fingers across his chest. Nicolas sighs as he embraces her, "How can I forgive myself for the pain I caused you?" he asks. "You did hurt me, Nico, a lot," Jackie answers, "But I'm not carrying that pain around inside me like you are. If I can forgive you, you can forgive yourself. I need you to, and Trill needs it, too. We're so good together, Nico, and I know you want what I want, to do this right & not be half-assed rock star parents that screw up their kid. You made one mistake, and you're making yourself pay double for it: I don't want to punish you, I want you back, I want us to be happy like we were before." Jackie says. "What we had was so special: I betrayed it & don't deserve to have it back. But you do deserve it, Jacklyn, and I would do anything to give it to you," Nico answers, his lips moving softly on her hair. "I have it, Nicolas," she answers, pulling her head back to look up into his face, "We have each other, and we have Trill, we have everything we ever dreamed of in life & every reason to be happy. Didn't you tell me that once?" she answers, smiling as she remembers, how confused she was then, and how much clearer it seems now. She thought it over & again, every day while living with him as her lover, and has finally decided to take the chance, choose happiness & not worry about losing it. "I was thinking we should finally hitch up already before we head out on tour, because otherwise who knows when we'll get to it," she says, and kisses him. "Jacklyn, did you just say you want get married?" he asks, his voice cracking. "Yeah, we won't have time to plan much now, it will have to be fairly small, though I'm sure Bill will get some media there one way or another," Jackie answers with a laugh & a sigh. Overjoyed, Nico sweeps down on her neck, weeping.

Debbie fell just short of demanding to be Jackie's maid of honor when the couple announced their plans to Andrea & his girlfriend. Well, who else was Jackie going to ask to do it anyway? Besides Nico, her closest friend is Matt, and while her drummer would likely be thrilled to wear a gown & stand by her, in public view of Bill's hired camera crew, having Debbie do it was probably the better choice. Jackie isn't surprised when Nico tells her Andrea & Debbie are expecting a baby & plan to marry as well: her maid of honor has been calling herself 'Auntie Debbie' to Trill since she started seeing Andrea. What is surprising is Nico's negative reaction to it. "Andrea's so young, he & Debbie have hardly just met," he says with a worried frown. Jackie can only laugh as she answers, "And how old were you when you knocked up your girlfriend & asked her to marry you?" "I know," Nico sighs, "But we're different, Jackie. I just want what's best for my brother." Jackie smiles affectionately at her new husband: he cares very deeply about his younger brother & feels responsible for him. Embracing him, she caresses his stomach: the ulcer has cleared up a bit lately, but all his worries & cares in the world sit there and eat at him from the inside. "It's my wedding day," Jackie says softly, kissing his ear, "So, yeah, Nico, we're the most special couple in the world. But, realistically, I think Andrea & Debbie have as much chance at happiness as we have. And even if they don't, it's not something you need to be stressing over. Let it go, be happy for him." Nico sighs & holds her close, forgetting about his brother while he murmurs words of love to her, his light fingered touch playing over her spine like he plays his guitar. "Listen," Jackie says, grinning up at him, "I was thinking we should ditch this lame party & go up to our room."

The newlyweds leave their reception behind & retreat to the privacy of their bedroom. Jackie squeezes Nico tightly, listening to his heart beating in his chest. "Life is beautiful," she sighs, truly happy here, secure in his love, with no fear of losing it. They want the same things, love each other & love their child, everything they do together, making music, making love, and making their family, is wondrous & special, and there's no need to ever have to go without it. "You're my life, Jackie, and it is more than beautiful," Nicolas answers as he sweeps her up into their bed.