Jackie didn't want an MTV party, and she doesn't like these people, always smiling, always phony. But playing is like being on an island, and all these people are a mirage, the TV cameras are just decoration. Jackie puts her soul into her songs, and though she never considered herself much of a singer, her voice often a ragged growl, her grittiness has become F Hole's hallmark. She had a good guitarist before, now she has an excellent one: Nico brings things out in her songs she didn't even know were there. This is their first live show together. She didn't think playing with could get any better than their rehearsals had been, but this show goes beyond her expectations. The three of them create a powerful sound, with raw blasts of energy.

NOTE: For those who are interested in what I imagine F Hole sounds like, there is a band called 50 Foot Wave who sound just about exactly like what I 'hear' when I write these scenes. You can listen to 2 minute samples of 50 Foot Wave songs here: 50 Foot Wave (page opens in new window).

"That was incredible," she says, smiling widely, "We really moved some air." Jackie likes to imagine the giant waves of sound pulsing out of her amps, physically pushing back the crowds at her shows. Nico's eyes are shining, he cheeks glowing with the rush of performing.

Nothing could ruin this moment, not Bill, not MTV, nothing.

No moment lasts forever: Bill wants to talk to her. He goes on at first how great the band was tonight, how great Nicolas looks, how much better he is than their former guitarist. Well, it's all true, Jackie can only agree with him. Then he tells her he wants the band to go on the road, a small tour through a few cities, some much needed promotion for the band. Once Jackie starts 'showing', however, Bill wants her offstage & in the studio, recording a new album. "And I want you married, soon," he adds, looking at her harshly, "The company has been doing a lot of promotion for you, & you are being talked about on all the entertainment shows, all the time. Any scandal at all can turn on you, Jackie, I don't want you waiting until you're 'obvious', okay?" Jackie longs for a world without record company executives.

When the sun sets & the MTV crew starts packing up, Bill finally lets Jackie go. She turns around to see Alicia, one of the MTV vjs, coming onto Nicolas. Jackie knows this girl, she likes to be the first to sleep with an up & coming star. Jackie's never known a guy that didn't think Alicia was the bomb. Watching her do her thing to Nicolas makes Jackie want to throw up right here.

Jackie turns away, feeling like she could never compete with all those blonde curls and big fake tits. She decides to take off & go be sick somewhere. "Jackie, wait," Nico calls out to her, as she hears Alicia demanding to be hugged.

"Jackie don't leave me alone with these wolves," he whispers in her ear, laughing it off as he hugs her. "You're going to have girls all over you, Nico," she whines, wishing she could stop the words as they come out of her mouth, "And I'm going to be fat & pregnant.." Nicolas strokes her back, where he knows she likes it, and whispers to her "Jacklyn, my beautiful angel, I've had girls all over me for as long as I can remember. I know that sounds terribly conceited...but it's true. I hate bringing this up, but rich, powerful women used to pay me to be with them, Jackie. It can't possibly go any more to my head than it already has. 9 times out of 10, I'd rather be playing guitar...the other, 1 time, I swear, that's all yours." Nico has a thing for stardom that Jackie doesn't share. She wants to believe he can turn away from the trappings that usually come with the rock star life, the women especially. But she's too afraid to trust anyone, even him, completely.